Nurse Ratched

I do love my job. Really, I do.
But some days (like today) I wish I was folding sweaters at the Gap. I think some of my patients liken me to Nurse Ratched. Remember, the horrible nurse from One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest? OK, I promise I'm not that bad. So what if I show disappointment when my congestive heart failure patient gets out of the hospital and heads straight to KFC or Pizza Ranch. So what if I ask my patient 10 times how much fluid they drank & finally they cough it up that they far exceeded their 2 liter/day fluid restriction. So what if I scold my patient for calling me on a Friday afternoon complaining about a 25 pound weight gain that initially started Monday, but NOW they are finally concerned. I guess if those things make me Nurse Retched, so be it. HELLO! I'm just trying to save your life! Jeez.

My BNF Michelle sent me a funny the other day.

Although I am no longer a floor nurse, I do still remember the days.

Enjoy. (especially if you are a nurse)

You know you are a nurse when ..........

1) the front of your scrubs reads "Nurses... here to save your a$$, not kiss it!"

2) you occasionally park in the space with the "physicians only" sign... and knock it over.

3) you believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4) you recognize that you can't cure stupid. (my personal favorite)

5) you own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them.

6) you believe there's a special place in hell for the inventor of the call light.

7) you believe that saying "it can't get any worse" causes it to get worse just to show you it can.

8) you wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.
9) you believe that any job where you can drive to work in your pajamas is a cool one.

10) eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.

11) you've ever heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring, and twelve earrings say "I'm afraid of shots."

12) your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank.

13) you have seen more penises than any prostitute could dream of.

14) you believe that not all patients are annoying... some are unconscious.

15) your family and friends refuse to watch medical sitcoms with you because you spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down x-rays.

16) you don't get excited about blood, unless it's your own.

17) you've sworn to have "do not resuscitate" tattooed on your chest. Soon.

18) you believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.

19) you believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis. (like this one too)

20) you believe that the government should require permits to reproduce.(Octomom?)

I do love my job. Really, I do.